.the year is ending soon.

yes! i am never sick of changing my blog template. in fact, i love to change my blog template. it gives me a refreshing feel when i read my blog. most importantly, changing the template does not make me sick of my blog. i do not know if i am the type of person who has short term passion for something. i hope i am NOT that type of person.

it's raining outside now. boring. when i tell u that, you may start to form a picture that it is very dark and scary outside with all the dark gloomy clouds, thunder and lightning. you are wrong!!!! lesson learnt: never form judgement before you fully understand the whole situation. the sun is outside, shinning brightly through my window. oh my!!!! this is the worst weather i wish for. my parents used to tell me to stay indoors if such rain falls because people get sick more easily in weathers like this. i dont believe in it.

it's hard to get everyone out.

"stay simple and happy"

.not very good.

i am just too comfort living in my cosy 5 room flat at clementi. i have everything that i need within my reach. i have love from my family and support from my friends. i do not face much financial difficulties. i have the privilege of using water and electricity. i have never felt hunger before. to me, this is not something i should be proud of or happy for. there is a quote that says you will learn to appreciate things only after you have lost them once. i have to agree with it. i have been living a far too comfortable life that makes me not a better person. people are becoming more materialistic and superficial. where has all the emotions been to? is the surface the only thing we can look at now? i feel sad for myself.

i have lost many things in life before. i have to admit that i have neglected my family a lot for the past few years. yes, yes, busy with studies. to put it in another manner, it is simply i am too busy for you or i have no time at all. rubbish!!! they are just excuses to push all the blame away. why am i such a horrible girl? i told myself after the As, i ought to spend more time with them. that's why i am busy baking with my mum these few days. yeah!!! i dont want to lose any of them anymore. i want to spend more time with them to build stronger bonds. i have experienced a loss before and there was another close attempt recently. it was my first time i felt devastated and loss. please, dont make me experience the same feelings again. i just want all the 5 of us to be happy and together.

i have made a lot of friends along the way. bad weather friends, true friends and hi-bye friends. i was chatting with my friends on christmas eve and i realised how long we have known each other unknowingly. next year will be my 10th year knowing jiefang. this year is my 8th year knowing xiaoyi. kns is 4-years-old. oh my!!!! it is amazing how our friendship goes on despite us being at different parts of singapore. i truly appreciate their efforts to keep the friendship going. let's go people!

a few people had entered my life and left a scar. the wound is healing. just leave me alone. dont bother me with anything anymore. i dont wish to be associated with them. i have learnt my lesson. as it says once bitten twice shy. i dont know if i am being over sensitive here but my instinct just tells me something isnt right. i should just remain a safe distant from them. i very much want to go back to the same old times but it's hard. i dont know why. it is difficult to explain. just forget it and move on.

i realised another thing! we all have a personal obstacle. i have found mine but i do not know how to overcome it. i dont even know what causes it? it's in me for a very long time since primary school. i guess i have to seek the solution myself. maybe someday, an ingenius idea will strike me and the obstacle will be gone. haha. i am just day dreaming. =)

christmas is just over and i did not receive any presents from santa. serves me right. karen has not been a good girl for the past year. i have been a mean and nasty person to the people around me. i have not been an obedient daughter. i have not been a hardworking and attentive student. i have not been a great friend. i shall learn to be nice. hope everyone had received their presents and belated merry christmas greetings from me!

"everyone can succeed but only a few will succeed"

.my colour.

what's my true colour?

Brown
You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

.christmas.

christmas is just round the corner. i am in the lazy mood. i refuse to do anything. i didnt do any xmas shopping although i bought a choco brown bag at charles and keith for myself a few days ago. there is no christmas atmosphere at my house which isnt surprising because my family does not celebrate christmas at all. we used to have a christmas tree at the living room and i loved to decorate it every year. slowly, the christmas tree is pushed to the storeroom and it never has the chance to see the light again. hai...

i have been busy looking for a job for the past 2 days. my legs are aching. imagine yourself walking all over singapore in heels. oh my!!! please save me. anyway, i finally got a job. thanks to zhihui! and also thanks to jf for accompanying me for the past 2 days. i had a sense of relief when i was hired. but now, i dont feel any excitement or joy brewing in me. it's sad. i dont know what is wrong.

i have a lot of plans coming up next. i cannot sit still for a moment. i am going to learn driving soon, most probably in feb or march next year. anyone is interested to learn driving with me? i wanted to take a 3rd language course. i discussed with my dad. what's the outcome? the idea is put on hold, wait till i enter the working society. my guitar course too! wait till i have saved enough. but i hope to join the course before i attend uni. please please... let that be my first christmas wish.

i am starting to lose hope in everything after hearing experiences from people and witnessing events around me. let me keep this faith. without hope, everything in the world is dull and plain. i need hope to keep myself living and moving. i am just glad i am there for my friends. i am not really a good listener because i dont have much patience. i am more than willing to help them to make their day. listen and not make any comments is fine with me. i just want them to stay happy always.

"faith"

korea trip!!

i am finally back from my 7 days korea trip!!!! trying to get back to my singapore lifestyle. waking up late as usual (i woke up at 2pm today), slacking around at home, listening to music, sitting in front of the computer, eating singapore food once again and wearing ONLY t shirt and shorts.

what happened at korea?

i dont like the pre trip preparation at all. it was a mad rush for me. we were only briefed about the trip a few days before the departure day. i hate it!!!! i guess it is because i am a planner. furthermore, it was my first time visiting a cold country. so the more i need more time to prepare for the trip.

when we arrived at korea, i thought everything was well prepared but i was wrong!! the LOUSY hotel management screwed up our accommodation. hello!!! are you in the right mind to have 9 girls living in a room that was meant for 4 people only? the food at the four seasons were not up to standard. i think it is a staff canteen. they served the food in the prison style. come on, make my money worthwhile. i was there to experience the korea culture not to be tortured. serve us some traditional korea dishes excpet kimchi. luckily, the YMCA and ms ho managed to make some necessary changes to the accommodation and food before the first night. me and goi moved in to stay with ms ho at room 201 for 2 nights. we were relunctant to get out of the room and bunk in with the other girls for the last night. the roon was just nice for 3 people and our room was always warm and cosy when we returned from our skiing and snowboarding lessons. =(

i chose skiing over snowboarding although the fun part of me wants to try snowboarding. it's okay. there is always another chance for me to learn another sport. =) anyway, we had 3 days of skiing lessons. the instructor had a hard time explaining to us the various techniques of skiing. luckily, sign and body language saved the day again. i found the lessons a little draggy and slow. i just hope i can still remember how to ski. the small and big A and the S which yuhui is damn pro at. after 3 days of lessons, it was the free and easy ski. 5 of us - yuhui, goi, me, kokkok and wh, could not resist the temptation of midnight ski. we thought the ski slopes would be less crowded but they were worse than in the day time. we started off at the beginner slope to try to perfect our S. after that, we went on to the 2nd slope. we saw many many many snowboarders. there were more snowboarders than skiiers. i was thinking how was i supposed to go down the slope safely when there were sooo many moving obstacles along the slope. my first time down the 2nd slope was pure maddness!!!! i went straight down the slope. it was wrong but the feeling was damn good. the wind was about to tear my skin off my face. the speed was ultra fast. i tried to do the big A but it did not seem to be helping me to slow down. we stopped skiing at 230am not because we were tired, but because it was freaking cold. the heat pads under my feet and in my skiing gloves were not working. i guessed it was too cold for me to feel any warm. =( i had problems trying to pronounce the some words properly, like PEAR-lyn, pro-PER-ly. argh!!! after that, we went to full our hungry stomach with udon or instant noodles at the food centre. we reached our room at around 4am. we rang the doorbell, waiting for eileen to open the door for us but she did not wake up at the first rang. oh my!! we were freaked out. we were not going to spend the night outside the room. we were damn tired and smelly. we needed a new set of clothes and a warm floor or bed to sleep on. after waiting for around 10 minutes, eileen finally opened the door. yeah!! the last day of skiing was taking group photos and more group photos. i did not ski because i was too shagged and cold to ski. skiing was fun and exciting except that i had a lot of bull dozers aka brusies while learning. let's go skiing and snowboarding next year again!!

we had cultural night with the korean students for the first and second nights. the ice breakers were funny. we just linked our hands together and walked around the room, not forgetting the big and small basket dance. they did presentation on corruption. they performed a music item and a hip hop dance item for us. in return, we had to perform something and it was damn last minute. there was no planning at all cos we were not informed of it until the day before. no time to discuss at all. in the end, we danced the friendship dance. we had the korean studnets to join us in the dance. luckily, they enjoyed themselves and it did not turn up to be as bad as i thought.

the second highlight of the trip was the homestay. me, goi, yuhui and eileen had to stay alone for the first night. the 4 of us were supposed to meet up to go shopping before we went to our separate families for the night but eileen did not join us in the end. finally, we ate traditional korea dinner - takabi, which is hot plate chicken mixed with rice cakes, vegetables and sweet potatoes. yummy!!! i dont really take spicy food but the hottness was just nice for me. oh my!!!! it was heavenly delicious. i want to eat that again. after eating, we took bus to this huge supermarket called emart to do some shopping. after walking around the emart, my head felt feverish and my throat was killing me. i felt guilty that my homestay buddy had to look after a sick singaporean. she had to accompany me to buy my medicine and constantly reminded me to take my medicine. i felt bad because i was not in the right mood to interact with her when we were out. =(

when we got home, i felt much better after taking the medicine and maybe partly because the house was warm and cosy. i felt very welcomed and cosy when i came to her house. the family would sit together in front of the TV and greet each other when they returned home. i dont see that happening in many of the singapore families. she could speak a little of english, so we had a little difficulties communicating. she used this auto directionary that converts korean into english and a few sheets of papers with korean sentences with the english meanings to talk to me.

after the first night, i and eileen went to another family for the part 2 of homestay. i nearly cried when i had to leave my homestay buddy. it's strange how a bond can be foster within such a short period of time. this time round, they shocked us when we met. they told us they were going to bring us to a party for dinner that night. we were like are you sure??? we were not properly dressed for a party in track pants or jeans and winter clothes. hmm... end up, it was a traditional korean wedding dinner. woah!! cool... it was not like the chinese traditional wedding dinner. it was more like a simple affair which the bride and groom exhanged vows. after the dinner, we went back to their nice and cosy home. the kids were awesome. they know how to play the piano which eileen is very very jealous of. haha... after putting the kids to bed, it was our time to wash up and pack (argh!!!! me and eileen hate it) and sleep.

we reached our meeting point at 5am the next morning. i was surprised to see my first homestay buddy there. she, together with goi's and yuhui's homestay buddies came to send us off. i was touched. they woke up so early in the morning to send us off and they had school later in the morning.

i am missing everything and every people i have met in korea now. i miss skiing. i miss homestay. i miss my homestay buddy. i miss my cultural night buddy. sooooo many wonderful experience. it is a right decision to go to the korea trip. the money had been well spent on a priceless experience. how many times do i have to be out of my comfort zone? it is one of my regrets i had for the korea trip. i was always in my comfort zone during my homestay. they tried sooo hard to speak to me in english but i did not put in as much effort as them to learn korean. there may be unhappy experiences with one another within the group or with the korean people, but anger disappears when i start to understand and compromise. dont lose my cool.

ps/ to look at photos, please go to photolinks in my blog. the second one is the link to my korean pictures. cheers! http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/1622679/

"understanding solves problems"

.lovely.

how does it feel like to hold my mum's hand and walk along the road? sometimes, i wish i can be more open with my feelings. is it just the Asian culture or the way i am brought up in a relatively conservative environment? i just want to tell my family how much i love all of them and grateful for everything they have done for me. my parents will ensure that i am in the pink of health in examination periods. i remembered my parents brewing a lot of chinese herbal tea during the A levels period. i guess my tongue is immure to the bitter taste. my brother will always be there to give me advice. i asked for his opinion when i had to choose a JC when i was in sec4. he was the first fews to call me to ask me about my results when the o levels results were out. i sounded disappointed on the phone with him but i could feel him patting on my shoulder, saying " i am proud of my little sister". my sis never fail to guide me along my life journey. when i cried in the past because my parents scolded me or what, i would always run to her. she would comfort me and gave me my little cute face towels to wipe my tears away. =) i just want to go and hug them and tell them how much i treasure them.

not only with family, and also with friends. i am thankful i have met wonderful friends along the way except for a few who i should not mention here cos i am nice. they have made my school life more vibrant and full of energy. they are always there to listen to my complaints, my nags, and they have to bear with my impatience, silliness, stupidness. oh my!!! i wanted to say sth like let's hope our friendship lasts forever but i realised that nothing in this world last forever. this is a pessimistic view of life but come on, it's the truth. we dont live forever. people around us do abandon us and start their lives again on their own. our environment is always changing. we are always meeting new faces. our finanical abilities fluctuate. so, let's just live for the moment.

i am going for a one week korea trip tmr. skiing and snowboarding cum homestay holiday. i am sad to announce that i am not done with my packing yet. oops... luckily, i am taking an evening flight tmr. i should pack after project runway cos reality shows are a MUST WATCH for me. i guess i am the least excited member among those from my class who are going for the trip. i cannot sense the excitement and happiness in me yet despite it being my first time in a winter country. maybe it is too early? ya right! tmr at this time i should be on the thai airways alrdy. i am scare that i will freeze to death and not get used to their meals. my impression of korea meals are light and healthy which means dishes like green, green and more green and maybe toufu. oh no!! limited meat dishes.. hai.. pls dun force me to eat veg. let's hope it will be a fun filled experience for me. before that, happy packing karen. hear from me a week later. cya guys!!

"live life like it's your last"

.mayday concert.

i am super high now!!! i just got home from the mayday concert - final home. oh my!!! it simply ROCKS!!!!!!!! i was complaining to liting in the cab that i was so shagged that i felt like sleeping without changing into a new set of clothes. but the bath did wonders and woke me up. i dun like to use hair dryer to blow dry my hair cos i think the heat will damage my hair and my hair is already very dry. so NONONONO!!! that's why i am up so late at night, blogging, waiting for my hair to dry and to drink my hot and nice honey drink before i sleep.

11am:
"hello, karen ah. can u go and pick the girls out? i am not feeling well now."
"ok"
i dragged myself out of my bed. i was hoping that fang could bring woon and lydia to my house so that i could save the trouble right? but it's okay. i should be nice to my friends.

2pm:
we were done with mh's present. yeah!! we rock!!! the end product is great. the photos just brought back RV memories. how horrible we looked like in our nurse alike uniform and damn short and uniformed hairstyle. our hot topics, kan, lam wan, our kns outings and blah blah...

5pm:
they left and it was the mad rush for me. i only had half an hour to prepare myself for the mayday concert. ahhhhh.... liting was waiting for me in my house. we needed to have dinner, and it took us an hour to go to expo from clementi lah. torturous!

740pm:
we were sitting comfortably at our seats at expo. oh my!!! although we were quite far from the stage, it was the company that matters. fang and liting are my besties lor... and the group who was sitting in front of us was the chao enthu mayday fans. oh my!! that's why the atmosphere at my area was damn high throughout the concert. me and fang are the lousy mayday fans. we din buy their latest album so we just lalala-ed all the way when they sang the new songs and we could not recognise the title of the song at the first beat. haha.. what made me irritated was we could not stand bare footed on the seats. come on lah!! we were alrdy sooo far away from the stage. we could not see anything on the stage from our seats!!! so pissed. yes yes, safety and to be considerate right? but there were empty seats behind us. argh! nvm. the high atmosphere was good enough. they started off with all the fast songs. woah!!! i was touched by their sincerity. they really put in their heart and soul in making music. the part when everyone sang their new song that goes lalala at the end (liting!!! tell me the name of the song!!), it really touched me. the whole hall was singing and oh my!!! it is damn hard to explain my experience here because feelings are for you to feel not to say. rock lives forever! their songs rock!!! my favourites are wen rou, jue jiang, chun zhen (they din sing. i was sooo sad), ren shen hai hai. i am soooo crazy over monster. he was soooo cool when he played his electric guitar. haha... my future guy needs to know how to play electric guitar. hahaha..

12am:
the concert finally ended. it was one of the latest concert i have been to. it was definitely worthed the $$ and i will go for their next concert again. yeah!!! me and liting piaed our way to the mrt station and realised mrt service to boon lay was over. argh!! anyway, fang went to find her SA friends. ya, so we took a cab from tampiness to our homes. it was mad!!!! $26 of cab fare. the most expensive cab fare i have ever took.

korea is coming soon. but i have not packed yet. all my stuff are lying all over my room. the present state of my room is the messiest it has been. how can i stand it? argH!!!

"i shall let you go"

.s16 msg.

hey s16 guys!!! please go check your email or read the class blog okay?? there's urgent and important matters we need to settle fast. thanks guys!

.random 2.

tight schedule today. it was pure maddness. i was running all over singapore. went to ICA building, then newton for a job interview, and BP to get korea stuff from jess, CCK and finally home. hai... my feet hurts a lot after walking everywhere in heels. dont ask me why. i dont have a choice. i was supposed to wear office wear for the interview and you cant expect me to wear flip-flops there right? miserable me.

i was thinking a lot on my way home. it is tough to be a woman. you need to look good and confident. your face needs to be flawless, no winkles, no eye bags, just a nice, pretty and smooth face. come on, we all need a pretty face right? "what's most important is the internal beauty". ya right. i am sorry to say face the reality!!! it is the first impression that makes the difference most of the time. in order to leave a lasting impression, you need to look good to capture pple's attention. as we move down, women need to have a good figure too. you get what i mean right? keeping fit, healthy diets, slim body, no tummy... watever! this is so irritating! and the worst thing is heels. oh my!! it is such a torturous thing to walk in heels. yes yes, i enjoy the feeling of being taller due to my average singaporean females' height but it is damn tiring for my feet. it gets worse when it is a new pair of heels like the one i wore today.

i guess i have thought too deep into matters sometimes. dont complicate things. it may be just how it looks like on the surface. take a deep breathe and let the wind clear my thoughts.

"it's hard to understand myself"

.random.

this is so random entry.

i am tired but i refuse to sleep. i have a super long day tmr and i know i need to rest. need to wake up early in the morning to get some documents done. i have not prepared the aptitude retest yet. argH! i have not briefed weifang on the aptitude test cos she will be taking over my duties when i am away from singapore.

workaholic? yes, yes. i have to admit i am. i was supposed to rest at home today. my definition of resting at home is reading, not getting out of my house at all but i made a trip to clementi central in the afternoon to get some stuff done. see, i cannot stay still for a moment. i feel restless when there is nothing for me to do. good or bad? i think it is good. i am sooo like my mother. we cant do nth at all. during her off days, she can actually sleeps while watching TV in the afternoon. oh my!!!! she is my idol man...

time check: 0030. things to do: contact my sis tmr, confirm the retest days with my guider, settle doc, jess' house, set papers....... busy karen. =)

"i like the way i am"

.old friends.

i was out of my house for 17 hours today. woah!! what a record.

i have been busy with guides recently because we are implementing this aptitude test that we, the YAs have planned for them. that's why i had been waking up at 7am plus for the past 2 consecutive mornings. it was hard for me to wake up sooo early after having brunch for the past few weeks and i am a heavy sleeper. my mum never fails to complain how hard it is to drag me out of my bed. so how was the test? well, not as good as what i expected. were the theory that hard? well, i have to admit the be prepared section was a killer. were we too strict with them for the practical section? we need to be strict in order for them to improve. somehow, some gave me this feeling that they were not prepared for the test at all. come on, what's the guide's motto? be prepared, my fellow guides! was our planning and preparation well done? i find it rush and pretty last min cos we have limited time left after the As to prepare for the tests and limited activities to brief the company. most importantly, it is the first year the aptitude test is carried out. we are still greenhorns. but that is not an acceptable reason.

after guides today, met up with HQ, dingod, goi and TIONG! oh my!!! tiong actually came. i was soooooooo surprised. =) we ate porridge buffet for lunch. i only enjoyed the dessert cos i dont really like porridge. it will be the last thing i will eat if i am not sick. we sat and chit chat until the in charge had to chase us away. we even came up with a name. e5!! haha... after that, it was goi's treat to gelare cos she made us wait for her for 20 minutes!!!! aiya... in the end, we just paid $2 for 2 large yummy waffles and double scoop of ice cream. yeah! it rocks. it will be my fav place on tuesdays only. we just sat there and chit chat again. we came up with funny and weird theories. periodic table, grid and graph! oh my!!! HQ, we will be waiting for the end results.

soooooo sorry to the s14 guys going to korea. we let u guys wait for nothing and wait and more waitings. so sorry.. so we went to YMCA for the korea trip briefing. it was okay just that i seriously cmi when it comes to learning a new language. i suck at pronounication. hai.. i should work hard tmr to learn the necessary korea words. yeah!!!

my eyes are closing. it's time to sleep. cya!

"play with style"

.finally.

yeah!!! the much awaited prom photos are finally uploaded. slow KAREN took such a long time right?

http://www.imagestation.com/album/pictures.html?id=2116607720

enjoy. =)

.prom.

1 dec, my first prom. the pre prom preparation was terrible and i dont wish to go through the whole process again. shopping, shopping and more shopping. trying to find the ideal dress, matching shoes, bag and accessories and hunting for good and cheap make up artistes. that afternoon was the worst. i received a sms from my guide teacher at around 11am that we have to send her the theory test papers by 2dec morning so that she can print for us and get them ready on mon morning. i practially jumped out of my bed. i wont be at home till 2dec afternoon and i was meeting the s14 girls at 130pm at cityhall. oh my!!! i fought with time and got out of my house at 1pm. i thought i would be the latest but in the end, i was one of the earliest. -_-

the make up artistes came and the makeup and hairdo sessions began. i am not the type of girl who puts on makeup. being natural is the best. that's why i felt a slight discomfort with the makeup on. anyway, my hairdo rocks. yeah!! i love my hairdo. it was amazing how she managed to tie all my hair up despite me having very layered hair. =) thanks khim!

when all the pretty girls and handsome guys went down to the lobby, the mad photo taking session began. it was so exciting to see familiar faces once again. it just shows how much i miss my friends. i guess the SC had a hard time trying to get us sitted. the food was terrible, taking into consideration that it is a 5 star hotel. hmm... or am it oo picky with the food? the programme was screwed up. it failed to capture the audience's attention. almost everyone was busy taking photos with friends and totally ignored what was going on the stage.

i din enjoy myself at the post prom party. i din stay there for long. i have wasted my $$ but the money was well spent on an experience. i could not stand smokers. i am sooo sorry.. that's why i left the place within 1.5hr. the rest of the class bought drinks from 7 11 and peanuts back to the hotel. we started playing stupid cards games to get rid of the drinks. we played zhong ji min ma and the-one-with-the-smallest-number-shall-drink game. we even ordered mac cos we were tooo hungry. see, the food sucks!

soon, morning arrived. yeah! i was a survivor. we played many rounds of heart attack and they were the most hilarious heart attack i had ever played. we were screaming and shouting away until our neighbours had to complain. haha... the classical heart attack was nobody had collected 4 same cards but we all piled our hands on top of one another because someone happened to place his/her hand in the middle of the table. SCREWED UP! we played, played and played till 1pm and we checked out.

the tireness got into me and i slept my way home. luckily i din miss my stop and i was close to drooling. i went home and slept somemore from 130pm to 9pm. i had my dinner, watched survivor, came online and went back to sleep again after 3 hours i woke up. i woke up at 11am today. oh my!!!! i have slept a lot. haha... pig is surname rmb?

prom is over but the friendship goes on. =)

"as we go on, we remember all the times we spent together"

.ME.

i came across this test in my friend's blog. out of curiosity, i took the test. here is the result.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

.PA.

i went to the PA chalet cum seniors' farewell at pasir ris today. knew that you guys had planned a lot of activities but we were too lazy and tired to go out and play the games. in the end, the games were cancelled and we played our favourite hobbies - weeleng's mini mahjong and cards. what's new right? anyway, the BBQ was scary. they ordered mountains of food which can last them for 3 days and 2 nights. the BBQ was still going on when i left around 10pm. haha.. happy eating guys and thanks for the gifts and efforts to organise the event.

i am shagged but i refused to sleep although i need to wake up at 830am tomorrow morning for my first guide activity after As. woah!!!! finally i am into guide again. wonder how is their cf preparation? have not taken a look at their proposals and work schedules yet. hope it is a job well done because i have high expectations on everything. i think i demand a lot from the guides but i am not sure if i have demanded too much. the angel in me keeps telling me that it is for their own good so that they can be better guides and seniors and most importantly, DESTROY the wrong impressions everyone has on guides. on the other hand, the devil tells me that i am asking for trouble and more work to do. hai... i choose to believe in the angel to keep me going. let me be a nice madam tomorrow. =)

"just still swimming, swimming, swimming"

.fruitful shopping.

after a week of mad rush, i have finally completed my prom shopping. yeah!!! all thanks to jieFAT and S14 people. today was the happiest shopping trip i had so far for the past few days. one, it was the shopping companion, who is my bestie, jieFAT. two, i was shopping for my favourite items which are accessories, shoes and bags. three, i had very good bargains today. i spent $65 for a pair of nice heels and a bag from isetan and taka respectively. that's way below my budget. yeah!! that's worth celebrating because i am short of cash now because of all the prom shopping. that's why i need to minimize cost as low as possible. since i am done with my shopping, it starts the next saving and spending cycle again. i need to start saving again because i saw many pretty stuff that i want to buy. let's go shopping again after christmas okay jieFAT? we are each other's lucky stars. =)

i was very angry on my way from amk to orchard today. this family, consists the husband, wife, 3 children of which 2 are below 5 years old and the other is just a baby and a maid. the baby was crying and wanted her mummy. so the maid had to carry the baby to the wife. during that process, the husband was reprimanding the maid in the public on the mrt!! " so slow, so slow." that's all he could say. he was just sitting there, observing the maid and doing nothing. that's what i called, talk but no action. if he really felt that the maid was slow, walk to the maid, carry the baby to his wife himself. come on! maids are humans too. it is such an awful scence to scold anyone in public. they have self esteem too. argh!!! spare a thought for others. that's the lesson we should all learn today.

"treat others in the way you want to be treated in"

.sick.

went over to jiefang's house to slack today. i am soooo sorry kns. i am seriously tired after all the walking and i need a day to recharge. sorry sorry... back to the main topic. i actually slacked my whole afternoon at her house again. we din do anything except chatting. it has been sometime since we last met. i guess the previous time we met was during the preparation for prelims. when was that? hmm... what was our conversation about? anything and everything under the sun. that's what i love about friends. you dont have to meet up everyday but there are endless topics to talk about. =)

i am suddenly disgusted by the upcoming event. it is a competitive event as quoted from my friend. come to think about it, it is damn true. we hope to dress in a special and unique way to stand out among all. we pray and pray all days and nights that nobody will wear the same attire as us on the same day. element of surprise? stunning? to me, what's most important is to enjoy yourself there. just feel good and you will natuarally look good. hmm... some may find this sentence contridicts my previous entry. WATEVER. I DONT CARE. i am in such a lousy mood these few days. my moods swing like nobody's business. crap! i am totally disgusted by everything now. i should just tear it, go to sleep and forget that it exists.

i feel bad. not guilty. there is a difference btw the 2 feelings. i should be nice. or rather, i should try to be nice.

"it is just me, myself and i"

.fcuk.

caution: dont bother to read. i am just venting my anger in this entry. it will be a waste of your precious time to read the following.

ARGH!

i am so freaking pissed off now. argh! today is just the wrong day. exhausted? burnt out? watever. i dun care. i am so sick and tired of everything now. it does not seem as fun as it was to me now. all the walking and walking and walking, queueing outside the damn few pathetic fitting rooms, trying out to see how it looks like on me, thinking whether it fits my budget not. what the crap!!!! why so many things??? i am just giving myself more work to do during the holidays. i am supposed to enjoy myself. wouldn't it be nice if this is just like any normal trip. buying things i like, i will use very often, pampering myself, coming back home with bags after bags. i hate it when it is a fruitless trip and i had 3 in a row. DAMN! i hate it! irritating. getting so freaking irritated by everything. throwing my temper at home. freak! why am i losing it again. argh!!!!! i hate it! can someone just give me a tight slap on my face to wake me up. welcome to the reality girl. you do not get everything you want everytime. face the truth! stressed out? yes, i guess i am because i hate last min work. i am a planner. i need to get everything in place and ready ASAP so that i can feel secure. now, everything is screwed up. everything is behind my schedule. freaking pissed off. i have no more time left. i will be packed for the next few days. come on, i have other committments okay. yesyes, trying to act busy right? watever. i dun care. i am just busy. accept it or not and it is none of my business. i am losing my patience at everything. you push me a slightly more and i will explode. i am so pissed off. pissed off pissed off. pissed off. pissed off. pissed off. why am i getting so damn angry over such a small matter? shit me lah. i am such a lousy freak. i dont deserve to live. kill me now. quick, pass me a gun. irritating!!!!! i am thinking if i should just bycott it and join them after it. damn it. why on earth will i think of this?

ARGH!

"GET LOST"

.leg breaking week.

it is coming. oh my! i din know it is such a troublesome affair. i need to get it done by tmr cos i dun have anymore time to spare. tmr out, thurs rest, fri hair saloon, sat buy stuff, sun out with sis, mom PA chalet cum seniors' farewell, tues guides, wed rest and thurs BIG DAY. oh my!!!!!! my legs are breaking. =(

"pass me some ice"

.clear out.

i dont believe in horoscope at all. i read them for pleasure. however, today's prediction for my horoscope hits bull eye! it mentions about having a lot of work to do today and wanting to get them all done right at the first time. if not, i will not be able to sleep tonight.

what did i do today? CLEAN MY MESSY ROOM!!!! yes, yes, that is what i did today. i tied my hair up, pinned my fringe, got a rag from my dad, went to the toilet to get a pail and off to work. i cleared all my JC stuff and packed them into boxes. i cleaned every single dark corner in my room. i used the wet rag and polished every single furniture until they were sparkling clean. my parents were shocked when they returned home in the evening. i was packing before they left the house and i was still packing when they returned. hmmm.. i wonder how big my room is. finally at 7pm, everything was in order. i make sure that i had covered my entire room and got off my dirty and smelly clothes. yucks!

i was looking through the letters i have received and it brought back many memories, some of which i refuse to remember but it kept flashing across my mind. it's sad that i have lost contact with some of my friends. some of my letters have turned yellow but i refuse to throw them away. when do i become a sentimental person? i think i still have all the letters my first pen pal wrote to me. he was my neighbour then. unfortunatley, i have lost contact with him after he has moved to somewhere else in spore. we would see each other when we attended school at the nearby kindergarden but we would post the letters into the other party's letterbox. what an ineffective way! why did i do such a thing in the past? i was talking to jaihui and goi about christmas cards last night. it really warms my heart to receive a card from my friends in this technology era. it means a lot to me. hmmm... should i send cards this year?

"busy and hectic. but i am loving it"

.it's the END.

i was thinking on my bed last night. strangely, i could not sleep. i was not feeling butterflies in my stomach. come on! it's a afternoon chem MCQ paper. if i should be nervous, it would be the night before my most dreaded subject, econs. anyway, it is my last time wearing a school uniform today. i dun think there will be any chance for me to put on that grey stuff anymore. it could be the last time i will be seeing all the Nj peeps unless we all make an effort to keep in touch. it will be my last time having an exam in school. oh my!!! so many last times but i sure wont miss any of them. finally, the day i have been waiting for is finally here.

looking back at my JC journey, i dont know if i should cry or laugh. i did not want to get into NJ. it was not my ideal JC. luckily, i have encouraging parents. "2 years will be over before you know" how true it is. i dont feel like 2 years have passed. have i matured? what have i gained? more friends? more knowledge? did i enjoy myself? would things be better if i were somewhere else?

04S16- a class i will always remember. getting into trouble with the school admin, all the after school activity which was EATING, all the gatherings, and the mystery unsolved. i still dont know who that person is. maybe it is better to leave it as a mystery. let's not hurt our friendship because of that. =) fate brought us fun and laughter and then tears and curses. we were separated. it was hard for me initially to mix with 04S14 because i had to start everything brand new with people i have not seen in my entire life, except for goi, god, tiong, HQ and ah ma. at times, i was in dilemmas. (i guessed only a few of you know what that means) i was neither here nor there. i felt like a lost sheep. =( the bond gets stronger with the torturous PW sessions, endless chit chats with heng, inspiring lessons from yong.. and a year had passed. the second year was a mad rush. all i could rmb was lecture tests, assignments, make up lessons esp tek's, tests (did i mention that alrdy). we still have fun! the trcher's day celebrations, today, playing bingo during contact....

i am guilty of not being a good friend, a good daughter and a good sister during this stressful period. i felt bad when my mum told me she could not slp the night before my morning paper because she was afraid she would overslp. if she failed to wake me up in the morning, i would be SCREWED. during the first few papers, my parents would offer to lock the door for me when i left the house. they dont do that for me on normal days. i could see their worries and hope for me. i feel loved. they dun give me any pressure. i just want to do them proud for once. i have never done anything they can be proud of me before. i had failed them once 2 years ago and i dont want history to repeat itself. i felt guilty when i just closed my door and studied in my room everyday. when they came in to check on me, i would give them the "dont disturb me" look. why on earth did i do that? moreover, i totally lost contact with my friends. minimum interaction with the outside world. no gatherings, no outings. just good luck msgs via SMS. we r not even communicating using the internet!!! i had totally become a nerd. ARgh! i deserved to be punished!

"it just keeps flowing"

.the battle is coming.

it's coming, it's coming. i feel like killing myself now. so many things to revise within the next few days. see, i dont even bother to count the remaining days i have to stuff all the necessary knowledge into my pee brain. someone save me!!!



i was talking to my sis on the phone the other day. she suggested to go shopping last weekend. i was like DUH! i am in the midst of my preparation for A levels and she had to go this to tempt me. argh!!!! what a thoughtful sister i have. haha... but i know that she is trying to help me to relax cos she knows that her little sister here gets quite tensed up before exams.



keep it going, girl and to everyone. it will be here soon and before you know, it's over. so come on! keep the spirit high and alive. think of your post exams plans to motivate yourself. or maybe indulge in comfort food, like CHOCOLATES to make studying less boring. work hard people!

"they need to bleed to defeat me"

.leave me alone.

.one agony.

i can hardly breathe

you are restricting my freedom

closing up my social circle

stop it! i need space

.second agony.

you dont deserve any respect from me

cos you dont behave like one i should follow

throwing your temper

pushing your weights around

i am sorry to wake u up

but you are not the emperor

i am not like them

i dont forgive and forget that easily

you destroy everything that they have bulit

the damage is there

it will be with me forever

"push on"

.brilliant.

i am a fortunate teller today. nothing can hide from my eyes. =)

"dont bother to change me"

.PAIN.

someone please help me! i have been suffering from this stupid sharp pain in my stomach since late afternoon till now. i thought it was some gastic pain but i wasnt convinced because i do not have history of skipping meals and i did not believe that i was so lucky today to hit the jackpot when i chose to have my lunch at 3pm.



anyway, why on earth did i have my lunch at 3pm when the farewell assembly ended around 10am? a few of us went to have PE today. omg!!! i think we were mad. we played for almost 2 hours of soccer and basketball. it was a great achievement for us thinking that our last official PE was in stone age and our stamina were going downhill.



today, tiong asked me something. why do i use the word "freaking"? i use it as a substitute for the you-know-what-word-that-cannot-be-published. very unpleasant and an eye sore for a girl to use foul langauge? i dont really care. so if i happen to brust it out right into your face, pardon me. i do not do that purposely. i guess it has became a habit, a real bad one.



hopefully the pain will be gone by tomorrow morning cos i will be having a long, busy and tiring day tomorrow. it must be be gone by tomorrow or else i will suffer from serious sorethroat from all the cries for help and balding after pulling my hairs cos the pain is so damn unbearable.

"never give up even if the chances of success is zero"

.skippy bean.

consultation with mrs nair rocks! she makes the impossible seem possible. rmb the "is the fight for poverty a lost cause. discuss" question eileeno! she said it was an easy question to do but the 2 of us did not agree with her. we felt that we needed to have a lot of facts on poverty in order to score for that question. however, she had proved us wrong. the whole essay just requires common sense.



i have ran out of ideas. this is such a useless, senseless and meaningless entry. maybe.



farewell assembly on next monday. my last official school day. =)

"it neither unifies nor diversifies"

.i am fine.

i have recovered from the short term depression. YEAH! went to dingod's house to eat tiramisu cake with others today. omg! it's so yummy but he and goi refused to tell me the recipe. =( it's okay. i should experiment it with my mum one day and there is a high probability that i will burn the kitchen down. haha..



as promised, here are the photos!




eileenong! and sweeling




jess's BIG face




dingod's BIG hand




dingod's shocked expression




the red forces




the blue forces




one of the cups has NO ice in the iced water at all




guides friends without weifang





goi and me




weijun and youyi




KC with his smelly towel




tiong. why is he looking down?


my dad has a flu. =(

"an apple a day keeps the doc away"

.f off.

SIGH! i have lost the battle against myself again. many said it is just a gauge to determine where i stand but the outcome will somehow affect my morale. i am depressed.



the same question was thrown back at me today. i was stunned. without thinking, i slammed her back. i was thinking of it on my way home. i understand her worries. she does not want to see any man left behind. how would the situation be like now if i had made a different decision then? would i be happier? i dont know and i dont wish to think about it. since i had decided a few months back, i should just stick to my decision and look ahead. it's the last month to go and it will be a waste of my effort to let it go now. now, i cant do much but just hang in there.



sometimes i just hate myself. why do i keep failing myself? have i not learnt my lesson and felt the greatness of disappointment 2 years ago? why cant i just get things right for once. have i pushed myself to the wall yet? what is wrong with me?! i hate to be a loser. nobody wants to be a loser. what can i do? just drag me and pull me along, friends. dont mind about the physical injuries i may suffer along the way. slap me when i am falling asleep, kick me when i am slacking. i will thank you when i emerge victorious.



as what dingod said, we are in a business cycle. there are points along the curve when there is a recession or a boom. i cannot expect myself to be enjoying constant boom throughout the whole year unless i am a genius. i am just unlucky to face a recession now. let's hope we will have a boom in nov and it will bring smiles on our faces in feb/march next year. as quoted from pee's blog, dont look down. look up at the clear blue sky after the rain and i will see a rainbow. as long as the phenomenon exists, there is still hope for everyone. look up, shoulders back, arms at the side.



PS/ gracious is never found in my dictionary. i dont believe in luck and i will not depend on it anymore!

"stay strong, win the race"

.busy.

it had been a busy weekend for me. met up with 5some to have a farewell lunch for shan on sat at glasshouse fish and co. after that, went to eat katong laska with s16. and today, had a mini guides and scouts reunion at JP before shan left for UK.



she is leaving spore to further her studies at UK. it is not the first time she is leaving spore but it feels different today. i felt sad when we parted at clementi mrt. i know we will be able to meet up again but i have to wait for 8 more months. it is such a long wait. it's sad to see my friends around me leaving me because i am afraid that the separation will mark the end of our friendship. i know the technology is so advanced today and we can chat with each other on net right but the feeling is different. i do not want to lose any friends and i do not want to be left alone. maybe it is just the pessimistic me getting into some mischief. maybe i am thinking too much. anyway, we didnt drift apart when she was studying at shanghai. so, there should not be much of a problem now right? shan, if you happen to read this on the plane on your laptop, i will really miss you a lot! take good care of yourself and i will start saving for our bangkok trip. =)



the mini reunion was fun. it was great to see us getting back together and chat about the good old days in RV. the sec3 dance item and we have not got all the dance pairs right yet! haha.. how each of us have changed over the past 2 years, in terms of HEIGHT and LOOKS. i shall not stand beside jc in the future. i can only reach his shoulders. argH! vic with his sun-burnt face and his the-lamian-man-lai joke.



took some photos when i was out during the weekend. i shall post them on my blog when i am free.

"take care because we care"

.pride.

omg! i am hooked onto the show pride. there is my eye candy and the romance btw halu and aki is so beautiful beyond words. the theme song rocks! thanks goi! went to watch lord of dogtown today. average movie but i love the songs inside. i am in the oldies craze now!

"dont give up until you see the end"

.respect.

the apprentice just ended and i realised an important lesson in life - having the ability to establish good interpersonal relationships is important in life. key word here is "important", not the "most important". i always believe that the first step in doing so is to have others to respect you. respect is a priceless gift. some people have the gift to own it but others do not. you cannot use money and buy "respect" at any convenience shops along the pavement. you cannot force upon others to gain "respect". it needs to come naturally and willingly from people, both above and below you. in uniformed groups, we always talk about respect for seniors as if it can be easily instilled in us with just a swing of the magic wand. when i became a leader, i found out it required more than a swing. respect is hard to comeby and is even harder to earn.




let me leave you with a story.

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost.

He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below.

He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, canyou help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don'tknow where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degreesnorth latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything,you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

so do not push the blame to everyone except yourself.

"people move to seek better"

.taka coffee bean.

met out with some sec4 friends today. did a lot of stupid things with pee and i should not mention it here cos she wrote everything down in her blog. so if youare interested, check her blog. =) i was especially shocked when i saw chiajarryl. his hair is horrible and long. PLEASE GO AND CUT YOUR HAIR TOMORROW! he came and threw the TODAY newspaper on the table, started to panic and ask for a phone to call his friend. but he is still the same old jarryl we know except for his ugly hair. haha...





jarryl with his ugly long hair



he left us and we continued to chit chat and met nana. pretty girl.. =) our dearest jiefang and pee want to buy this chinese novel and poor karen and minghui had to tag along and walked the whole of ochard with them to search for the book. =( along we way, we met more people! kaiwan, huiqi, ester, eileen and WOON!! she brought 2 tops and one of which she claimed that it is ugly. haha.. skipping girl. oops...




pee acting cute. haha..







pee acting cute again... hai...







jiefang in SA uniform






karen actually brought a book today. omg!!! i used to believe that buying books is a waste of money because i can borrow books easily at national library. but i found out the problem is it is hard to find real GOOD books in the library. furthermore, with friends around me who invest heavily in books, i am getting the habit of buying books too.





me with the idiotic look

"have peace within me"

.future.

have you ever wondered what will you be doing in the future? it seems so far away but in fact, it will happen in the next 5 years. that's fast, isnt it? dream BIG and you will succeed in life. how true is it? how practical can one's dream be? how is one supposed to make one's dream comes true? research, ask around, look for information on net, attend exhibitions, seminars, talks, grab all opportunities to realize your dream. to me, what's most important is to have an open mind, to keep my option open.



i have learnt a lot of things today, maybe i have knew myself a little bit more. maybe i am not the theoretical base person. i am more for project orientated tasks. i find it meaningless to know all the theories in the book from top to bottom, and left to right without mastering their applications to real life situations. some work for the sake of high salary and comfort but do you truly enjoy what you are doing now? yes, i know most of time we do not have a choice to do the things we like due to some external factors but i believe that it is the passion that makes us go far in life. without passion, i will find life boring. without any aim in life, i will be wasting a small metre square on earth. a target motivates me and passion makes the impossible into possible. isnt it wonderful when you can achieve your dream?



i do not know if i am making sense here cos it is late at night now. (btw it is 0116 now) and karen is blogging. my head feels heavy but my mind refuses to sleep.



have i let it go? i dont know. thou shall not be bothered with it.

"pursuit your passion"

.grandma goes nuts.

repeat after me.

give me a O. O!

give me a V. V!

give me a E. E!

give me a R. R!

what do you have?

OVER!!!!

yes Yes YEs YeS YES!!! prelims are finally over. let's do the dancing in the moonlight. can you feel my joy? i was on the phone with jf before coming online and we realised how our attitude have changed towards the end of exams. when we were in rv, the end of exams spelled the word 'P-A-R-T-Y' but now, it is 'S-L-E-E-P'. why? the exams are more mentally demanding and i sleep later each night. one thing that does not change is to have a satisified and well deserved lunch after the papers.

we went to nydc at holland village today. the baked rice simply rocks! it's my first time i managed to finish the whole plate of baked rice by myself without much difficulties. was i very hungry? YES. my stomach was grumbling half way through the paper lah. irritating! i tried baked rice or pasta at other places and i just could not finish them. they were either too cheesy or too much tomato sauce that made me sick of the dish. however, the hawaiian baked rice was perfectly fine for me. yeah! i love the chef today.

finally, i got to eat the mudpie at nydc but it was a disappointment. it was not as exciting as jedi master as quoted from goi. we tried GRANDMA GOES NUTS. very nutty and there is this almond essence liquid floating in the plate. that fluid was irritating cos it somehow managed to dissolve the oreo crust beneath the pie and mix both the crust and the liquid together. argH! the set lunch was great but not the dessert. =(

after having a big fat round stomach, i came home and slept from 1430 to 1900. what a good afternoon nap i had. i did not want to wake up at 1900. i was still quite sleepy but i wanted to catch the channel 8 drama and karen was hungry again. so i have no choice but to force myself out of the bed.

any plans till tues? obviously! tmr, fri and the weekend are burnt. i have been saying i want to go shopping after the prelims but on second thought, i just want to spend this break with my friends and family. they are running too fast, and too ahead of me. i need to increase my speed and catch up with them. i just want to relax, slack and not do anything for the next few hours. i do deserve a break right?

"enjoy the moment before it is gone"

.mid-autumn.

it's the mid-autumn festival today. any plans? well, mugging at home. nothing new right? it's okay. everything will be over in 3 more days. yeah!!! since i am able to survive the previous week, staying alive for 3 more days is no BIG deal. =)



it's bad to live near a park. for your background information, there is a park called clementi woods happens to be just below my block. =) when mid-autumn comes, RCs will organise gatherings or parents will bring their children to the park to celebrate the festival. so when the clock strikes 8pm, i should be hearing "ding-ding-ting-ting-la-lo-ha-ho" (whatever sounds from the battery operated laterns). it will piss me off because i canNOT join in the fun. argHHH!!!!



i have not celebrated this festival for a very very very long time since upper secondary. i miss all the fun! i miss walking around with a latern, playing with candles, burning my latern after i have enough fun of it, making laterns during art classes (not sure if primary schools still do that), watching my mum makes mooncakes (but she never does that anymore because she is busy with her work) and most importantly, stuffing myself with mooncakes. haha.. i love the snow skined mooncakes. i have this bad habit of eating the skin of the snow skined mooncake before eating the paste inside. haha... extremely disgusting right? dirty karen? whatever! i like it.



traditionally, it is a day for family to get together to enjoy family closeness. it's a time to miss my loved ones. haha.. but, poor karen has to settle all her 3 meals by herself today. =( all my family members have their individual programmes. well, karen has her own schedule too! mug till dinner time. buy dinner. eat dinner. mug till 10pm. watch the apprentice. mug again until it's sleeping time. interesting right? for those who have either nothing to do or wants to take a break from mugging, you can look up in the sky at around 8pm or 10pm to look at the moon. they said the moon will be the brightest and fullest around that time today. =)



i should be going down to the chinese garden with my mum after my prelims. i promised her that i will accompany her there. a guide never breaks her promise. =) anyway, i had a nightmare this morning again! omg!! my friend went missing. why am i having dreams or nightmares sooo often these few days? i remember reading in a magazine before which said if you have dreams or nightmare, it means your mind is not fully resting. hmm... that's bad but i do not know how true that is.



karen is hungry! let's grab some food!!! woohoo!!!

"spread a little love today"

.dreams.

i am so proud of it. =) a great of achievement after reading the notes.

who does not day dream? i do.

1. to be able to backpack around Europe
2. to earn big bucks. seriously, who isnt materialistic? so that i can go on shopping trips everyday. woohoo!!!
3. live a comfortable life. once again, who isnt materialistic?
4. to enjoy life. no stress. just pure enjoyment.
5. to go all around the world, taking photographs
6. to own a shop and enjoy my retirement age with my loved ones
7. have a driving license and own a car. i can drive myself and my parents to anywhere we want to go. yeah!!!!
8. have an office at the highest level of the building
9. make my name BIG
10. lastly, the most immediate dream is when i wake up the next morning, my mum will run into my room and tell me that it is 19 nov 2005.

i had the 2 weirdest dreams within this week. one was a complete nightmare. blood was shed. i could not remember the other dream but it was not sth good either. =(

continue mugging, karen my dear!

"dreams make one's life colourful"

.it's not over yet.

cried. whined. grumbled. cursed.



i am in the mid of my prelims. taking a break off mugging after the most mind-draining day today. it was pure MADNESS! econs and phys paper together. both totally unrelated topics and one requires a lot of memory work while the one requires logical and critical analysis. the first day was equally bad. i was sweating like shit while doing the chem paper. i was sitting right beside this huge block of wall with minimum wind movement. irritating! furthermore, i was nearly late for school on that morning too. double mishaps. i thought day II would be better but i was wrong. the math paper left me tip-toeing on the suicidal chair.



thinking back, we may felt regretful. i should have done this and not that. i should have focused more on this topic than the other. i should have managed my time better. i should have slept earlier the night before. there are so many 'should have' after leaving the examination hall but seriously what is the point of looking back and blaming ourselves for not performing to our best? if i have the capability to know everything at my finger tips and work expectionally well under pressure, time constraint and maybe harsh temperature, i will be a genius. =) who does not underperform when the environment is not to his or her advantage? who does not submit to stress? who does not give up trying? you are not alone, my friend. if you are feeling down, someone at another part of the world maybe feeling the same way at the same instant as you too. so, the message is you are never alone. =) let's stop pushing the blame to ourselves to save someone else at another part of the world from the blues.



what's most important now is to look ahead and not look back at the past. let everything end when we hear the phrase "put your pens down". do not bring it out, just leave it there. turn the negative feelings into motivation to strive even better for the next few papers to recoup the losses we have made. remember that we need to learn for the firms to pursuit self-interest. keep the hopes alive and continue to believe in ourselves. =)



i was passing by this senior citizen corner near one of the blocks and i start to wonder how i will spend my retirement age. am i thinking too far?

"keep the hopes alive"

.signs.

what are the signs to show that karen is mugging too much and too hard?

1. she cannot stop sneezing at night until she needs to have a box of tissue by her bed every night. pls buy her lots of tissues boxes on her birthdays, christmas, chinese new year...
2. she actually tagged in one of her friends' tagboard that she is sick of her! oh my gosh!!! what is she doing?? quick, give her a tight slap on her face.
3. she misread 'cuttle' for 'kettle'. nothing new. she is always a joke.
4. the little devil in her starts to grow. she is tempted to stop all revision and go out and have fun. who gives a damn about studies? oh yeah!
5. she realises how precious leisure is. can i have some leisure time pls....
6. she does not even know how she ends up on the bed sleeping sometimes. oh my!!! how did i end up on my bed? i have not finished studying!!! argHHHH!!!!
7. she starts to take better care of herself, like drinking more water and trying to have an early night sleep everyday. 8 glasses of water per day is NOT ENOUGH!
8. she messages her friends more often to escape a few minutes from studying. hey! i am soooo sick of studying now. =(
9. she blogs she enjoys talking to herself.
10. her life has become a routine. ATTENTION! wake up, study, eat, bathe, sleep. AT EASE!

"enjoy life by devoting 8 hours to play"

.productive me.

karen is blogging again. haha... maybe jc is right. i love to talk to myself. haha.. =)

today is a ultra productive day for me. i cleared numerical methods, functions and superposition by 10pm today. woohoo!!! i am god damn productive today. i am so proud of myself that i feel like giving myself the most productive worker of the year award if there is anything. if only there is no loss of momentum in the real world, i can successfully transfer all the momentum to tmr based on the conservation of momentum. haha.. books are driving me crazy.

i used to HATE to study outside. first, i am lazy. second, the travelling time is a complete waste of time because i can use that amount of time to study more, maybe a line more or so. third, it's damn painful to carry that heavy bag of mine around because i will need to bring a lot of stuff to battle outside. stuff like sweater cos i will definitely use a air-conditioned place to study, my notes, my tutorials, rough paper, revision package, my beloved hp with FM and mp3 player and sweets to make studying less boring. there is sooooo much things to bring!!!!! next, i hate to wake up early in the morning to chop seats in the library cos i am not the morning person. fifth, there will be a problem if i study alone outside because there will not be anyone else to look after my stuff when i excuse myself from the study table, for instance when karen needs to peeeee... am i supposed to bring all my valuables with me? if yes, i might as well bring my whole bag. however if i bring my whole bag, i will lose the rights to use the same study place after i return. that's problematic. lastly, the noise pollution. how am i supposed to concentrate when there's a kid crying right beside me? argH!

looking at all the flaws to study outside, i still went to study at ginza mac today. i think studying outside makes me quite productive. with all the watchful eyes staring at me, i did not dare to slack. there's nowhere for me to watch TV, eat my comfort food, flip through my magzines. there is only me and my notes for company. so i might as well make full use of the time to be friends with them. =) furthermore, it is not that bad to have different activities happening around me when i am studying. i will be able to people watch when i am sick of studying and to let my eyes rest a few minutes or two. it maybe noisy but with my earphones plug in my ears, it is pure music.

if you realise, i did not mention anything about study groups. haha... karen is a loner. to me, it is more effective to study alone or maybe with JUST a friend because i have the tendency to chit chat longer than my break time. haha.. so my marginal productivity will fall.

after mugging at the mac for alomst 4 hours, i went running at the park near my house. when was the last time i sweat like shit? hmm.. the last PE i had which was a week ago. omg!!!!! i had not been exercising for a week. that's bad, very bad. some may say they do not have time to finish studying, how are they supposed to find time to exercise? they should be spending all the time they have to study. NONONONO!!! that's wrong. exercising is not a waste of time. in fact, it makes me more alert when i study just now and not feel sleepy that easily. i was able to sit through a full 2 hours to study superposition just now. in the past, i would take a break in btw to drink water or walk around in the house. so, pls exercise!

btw, pls catch channel u 1930 jap drama on mondays and tuesdays. haha.. my eye candy is back.

"productive=making full use of everything"

.in the past.

it's amazing how life can play a trick on us. it bonds people together. it can also drift people apart. it can make you feel at the top of the world and dash all your hopes and bring back your fear at the next instant. i was looking through my past personal diaries and i realised how amazing life can be.

people alway say live a life without regrets. well, i want to have a life like that as well. at least, i would have made my life worthwhile by completing everything to my very best. however, that's the ideal case and usually, ideal cases are unrealistic and impractical. i do have regrets but there is nothing i can do now. i cannot turn back the clock and have a second go. PGA is the highest achievement a guide can obtain. i would be a step closer in obtaining it if i decided to go for the orientating test before the deadline and not take the tests together with the whole of sec4s guides after the deadline. my teacher informed me of her sudden decision a few days before my exams. how was i supposed to answer her? studies or personal achievement or teamwork? thinking back, i will very much want to earn that award. was i being too emotional by not taking the test before the deadline?

i cannot understand how relationships are forged among people. some have left me out of their worlds while some welcome me as a friend. =) there are different degree of relationships as well. for instance, i have a few best best best best friends from secondary and primary school. although we do not meet up with each other very often, there are endless topics for us to talk about when we meet. there will not be a sense of awkwardness when we see each other. instead, i will feel excited about the gathering the day before. sometimes, we do not have to spell it out, we are able to know what each of us are thinking. what brings people together? is it the common dreams, common passion, or common behaviour? i dont know. it is a mystery, isnt it?

mugging starts all over again tomorrow. i need to constantly change my mugging venues so that i will not get sick of it. rmb, find a purpose in whatever you are doing.

"life is a mystery"

.the last of the very last.

karen has not been blogging for the past few days. where has she been to? busy mugging? haha... NO! her old, dying, useless computer was down a few days ago and she only got it back today. she could not resist the temptation of internet and used the excuse to check if all the programmes are running smoothly to come online. scheming karen...

in her entire life in NJ so far, one of the best PE she had was her last official PE. in the morning, she was freaking worried that it would rain because a large patch of dark cloud was directly covering the grand stand. she did not want to play indoor games for her last PE lesson. she wanted to sweat it all out. immediately after morning assembly, she rushed to change into her pe attire and played soccer. woohoo~ it was a battle of the sexes. the girls thought of some plans like sandwich the guy with the ball and even scream into their ears to gain control of the ball. nevertheless, we created a lot of jokes which she could not remember any because of short term memory loss.

when the bell rang, many was reluctant to leave the court. it is the end of her PE life. someone suggested to skip the math lecture and continue to have PE. she knew it was an insensible option but she could not resist it. for once, the whole class was spontaneous to do sth bad in school. so the whole class took a ball and went back to the court and played netball. maybe it was meant to punish her, it started to rain. her class was forced to stop all games. they sat around the grand stand and chit chat. if only it could be like that everyday, maybe school will not be a boring place.

they were so afraid that their math tutor cum CT would scream at them for not attending the lecture during the math tutorial later. they cracked their brains to think if plans to please her. when the class had settled down for math tutorial, jess shouted, "class stand. greet." "good morning ms ling." she was shocked and they were surprised that she did not mention anything about the attendance for the math lecture earlier on. then they found out that she did not go to the lecture threate that day so she did not know they skipped the lecture. omg.. let's start to count our blessings for that day.

it was her last teacher's day celebrations a few days ago. the mini concert at the parade sqaure had low entertainment value. many screwed ups. hai... the best part of the day was the class party. nobody bought anything for the class party. we were busy taking photos with teachers and friends. karen has the pictures from her friends' blogs but she is too lazy to upload them here. =) the most dramatic prize giving ceremony she had ever seen was staring ms ling as the lead actress. she was truly touched when she saw our gift. shecried. a few of the girls actually ran into the restroom with her not to comfort her but to snap pictures of her crying. haha... werent they heartless? after taking photos, we went to KAP. their dearest ms ling did not know what does KAP stand for. omg!!! the lunch was on her.

karen went to the comex fair at suntec on the 1st sept with her dad. she was happy and still feeling very happy after the trip. =)

prelims are coming. many start to hate studying. some force themselves to study. some cannot finish studying on time. some follow their study plan diligently. what is karen doing? she cannot possibly study at home around the clock until 12 sept. how can one stay focus to study? it will only happen if the person knows very well and clearly what he or she wants in the future. only when there is an aim for he/she to work towards, he/she will find meaning in mugging. =)

"everything will end before you know"

.blood donation drive.

it's the annual blood donation drive today. it's my first time wanting to be a blood donor. =) i was hesitating whether i should go for it or not before the break because i am scare of needles. after going through some mental struggle, i thought why not? it means no harm. in fact, i am saving lives indirectly.

the 3 brave souls, including myself, went to the hall, where the drive was held,during our lunch break. the hall was packed. i was surprised at the overwhelming response. =) kindness is all around us. i passed the first station successfully because it was some admin stuff. however, things are not that smooth sailing.

when i told the doc that i took the anti-malara injection in nov last year, he immediately rejected me. =( that injection, together with my weight had made me an unsuitable donor. he said if i were above 52kg, i would be able to donate my blood today. since that is not the case, i have to wait for 2 more years before i can be a blood donor. disappointed.

i told my parents about this when i got home. both reacted differently. my dad was obviously not paying attention to what i was saying because he told me to drink lots of water to replenish the blood i had donated. duh! i did NOT donate any blood today. as for my mum, she gave me this are-you-sure look? she actually advised me not to do such things again. WHY NOT? i guessed it is because we both have a different mentality towards blood donation. she sees it as a dangerous thing to do and thinks that it will harm my health. that's WRONG! is that what we called generation gap?

2 years later, what will i be doing? where will i be? how will i look like? will i be a blood donor then?

"overcome your fears to see a brighter sky"

.which type.

how many types of bus drivers are there on earth? those who ignored me and drove past the bus stop despite me flagging for the bus pissed me off the most. were they blind or what?? i can understand if the bus was about to brust and throw passengers out from the entrance, exit and even the windows. (maybe we will be able to spot the next superman or wonderwoman among those flying people. haha... what's new? the lame karen) besides these 'blind' bus drivers, there are bus drivers with lousy attitude. i cannot believe that they are not fired by the company yet. how are they supposed to serve the public when they treat the passengers like dirt and give us the black face when we board the bus? hey! you choose to work in the service sector and so please do your job with pride. even if we forgot to tag our ez link cards, i do NOT see why you have to shout at the top of your lungs to get us to do so. you do NOT have to embarrass us in front of the public. (does that ring a bell?) it makes it a frustrating and unpleasant trip for both parties. although some passengers want to get a free ride, it does not mean that all passengers who do not tag their card do that on purpose. some can be due to pure forgetfulness. do not sterotype people!

on the other extreme end, there are those super extremely nice bus drivers. i actually met one who greeted every single passenger when we board the bus. obviously, it was during the non-peak hour. even if he did not greet me "good morning" or " good afternoon", a simple smile and acknowlegement would do the same. it makes the passengers feel welcomed and it will definitely make the passengers' day. =)

fortunately for me, i met a nice bus driver today. as the bus was approaching a bus stop, a young man and middle-aged man starting running to the bus stop. i could feel the bus was slowing down. in fact, the bus driver was trying his best to drive at almost the same as the running men. this little action may seem insignificant but it means a lot to the middle-aged and young men. at least society still cares for the people around us. =)

talking so much about the different type of bus drivers in spore, what type of person am i? my secondary school organised a talk on choosing our future career prospects based on our personality when i was in upper secondary. at that time, it was the best indicator of my personality. there are 4 different types of character. the first one is C which is very careful, calculative, does a lot of planning and concerned with details. D is the dominating type who is seen as potential leaders. I is always the source of laughter among the friends, happy-go-lucky type. and the last character is S who values relationships, less decisive and more emotional. which type do you think you are. i belong to the C and D group. what shocked me most was my private self and public self were the direct opposite of each other. people see me as the S and I group but the true me belongs to the C and D group. omg!

who is the true karen? i always think i am a very difficult person to understand and i still believe in that. very few people actually knows me inside out, left to right, up to down. most people have this mentality that i am the pampered and spoilt brat because i am the youngest child in the family. well, i do not think they are right. my age gap between me and my elder siblings are huge. my sis is older than me by 10 and my brother is older than me by 13. omg!!! maybe that's why i would rather depend on myself than others. i will not choose to run to my siblings whenever i meet with a problem because i do not want to bother them with my life. come on, i am 18. i believe i am matured and sensible enough to handle my own problems. furthermore, they have their own lives to live. they are already adults and i am sure they have more problematic questions than mine to solve.

i do not express my feelings very well. maybe i am being sensitive to the people around me. some may give me the are-you-sure look when they read this because i always 'niao' my friends. yes yes... i know it's bad and unhealthy but i choose my 'niao-ing' partners wisely. i will only do that if i know that friend does not mind. you do not see me doing that to all my friends right? (i hope to hear a YES)

hmm.. what else? i cannot think of anything now. what do you know about karen? post it!

"a simple smile can do wonders"

.heavy indulgence.

hey zhai! i am dying too. i will continue to update my blog whenever i can okay?

what do you do when you are out of your comfort zone? some people will behave out of their norm. they may isolate themselves from their circle of friends. they will keep everything to themselves and are unwilling to share anything with anyone. their friends will then find it hard to re-enter their world since they are not putting in any effort to accept their friends again. relationship is something that needs 2 hands to clap right? on the other extreme end, some will react it to positively. they take it as a challenge and a time to train themselves to be mentally stronger. i admire these people as they are the ones with the will power to influence people around them. well, others may start to indulge in comfort eating. well, that's me. one of the best comfort food on earth must be chocolates right? haha... that's my favourite. when i am feeling all stressed up, down or blue, chocolates are the best remedy to make me feel good. =) that's why i need to stock up my chocolate supply soon cos the stressed up period is coming.

i ate a lot of chocolates today. i ate a bar of fruits and nut chocolate and 5 fun packs chocolate. omg!!!! isn't it amazing. haha... karen is getting fat. wonder how i will look like when i am fat. like a ball? a big fat one?

back to mugging. cya! =D

"have faith in yourself and you will make it there"

Before you think of saying an unkind word
Think of someone who can't speak

Before you complain about the taste of your food
Think of someone who has nothing to eat

Before you complain about your husband or wife
Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion today

Before you complain about life
Think of someone who went too early to heaven

Before you complain about your children
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren

Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet

And when you are tired and complain about your job
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down
Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around

Life is a gift Live it. Enjoy it. Celebrate it. And fulfill it.

i found this in an email. meaningful? i hope so. at least it is meaningful to me. there is at least a test everyday this week. my energy level is burning low. my mood swings a lot today. maybe it is because of the low energy level in my body. hopefully i did not offend anybody with my foul mood. friday is coming which means weekend is coming too. it also means i am a step closer to prelims and a levels. do you think it's a depressing thought? NO! the faster i clear my papers, i faster i can truly enjoy myself with no worries. =)

"live life to the fullest"